Who should read this chapter? Parents who want to understand tantrum behavior to learn how to stop this behavior. Why do children throw tantrums?

Summary: Tantrums can be easily eliminated by understanding what causes them. In an effort to stop a tantrum, we unintentionally give them what they want and we actually reward and reinforce the tantrum behavior. Children often want attention and use tantrum behavior to get it. To eliminate tantrums, parents must demonstrate to children that a tantrum results in the exact opposite of what they are trying to get. When children throw a tantrum, figure out what they want, and give them the opposite of this. Tantrum behavior will cease once children understand that the tantrums result in the opposite of what they want.

Infants and children are amazingly intelligent. At a very young age, they are often able to manipulate their parents. They discover behaviors that get the attention of their parents. They find ways to get attention and physically pleasing rewards such as being carried, being sung to, and being fed.

When babies cry, the instinctive thing to do is to carry them, talk to them, sing to them, play with them and feed them. Since these are things that babies like, we are rewarding them for crying. Nothing is wrong with this during infancy since we as parents, generally enjoy carrying, talking to, singing to, playing with and feeding our infants.

Sometimes, this crying turns into screaming. The tone of the cry is different. You will begin to recognize that some of the crying is just to manipulate you for attention. This type of tantrum is not difficult to recognize. Children throwing tantrums may throw their heads back or slam their arms down or kick their legs violently. This occurs because they want something and they are not getting it. When most parents encounter this behavior, they will promptly carry their child and give them as much attention as possible to stop the tantrum. Some infants and children have learned that if a conventional tantrum does not result in attention, they have learned other actions that will get them some attention. These include actions such as vomiting, breath-holding and head-banging. There is nothing like gagging, choking and vomiting to get a parent's attention. Amazingly intelligent children understand this.

You will recognize normal crying from a tantrum. It's OK to respond to crying. But tantrums are generally not appreciated. There is a simple way to eliminate tantrum behavior. Parents unintentionally reward tantrum behavior which makes the problem worse. When you recognize a tantrum in progress, figure out what your child wants and give him/her the exact opposite. Your child must now learn that tantrum behavior will result in the exact opposite of what they want. They will quickly learn this and the tantrum behavior will cease.

Children often want attention. If this is the case and a tantrum results, give them the opposite of this and leave them alone. If your child wants to watch a TV program and begins to throw a tantrum, turn the TV off. If an older brother and dad are going for a ride in the car, a younger brother may throw a tantrum. In response, you should put him in his room. Do NOT reward the tantrum.

Tantrums associated with vomiting can elicit an emotional response from parents. Vomit is particularly unpleasant and vomit on the furniture or carpet will greatly upset parents. You should remain calm. Any "attention" to the vomit will indicate to your child that the act of vomiting resulted in some attention. They will remember this and use this in the future. You should do the exact opposite of what they seek with this tantrum. If it is attention, then you should give them the opposite by walking away to another room, or put the child in his/her room and close the door. You will have to clean up the vomit when your child is not watching. Do not let your child see you clean up the vomit or he/she will believe that this results in attention. You must pretend that the vomit does not bother you. Once your child believes that vomiting results in no benefit for them, they will stop doing it. If you reward vomiting with attention, expect MORE vomiting on more of your furniture.