Who should read this chapter? Parents who scold and/or criticize their children and teenagers (almost all of us), must also praise their children and teens.

Summary: We scold and discipline our children a lot. We must also remember to praise them. We must deliberately remember to praise them daily to enhance their self-esteem, reward them for their accomplishments and good behavior, and to encourage them to continue to do well to make us all proud. If parents don't motivate their children by praising them, who will? Whoever does this, will gain their allegiance and respect. Parents are given the first chance at this. If parents default, then drug dealers, gangs and criminals will be glad to step in and provide the praise that all children need. Such a mistake could be irreversible.

Previous chapters have discussed discipline. Discipline largely involves negative reinforcement. Positive reinforcement (rewarding) is also necessary to encourage desirable, good behavior. We must consciously remind ourselves to praise our children. After an average day of daily discipline, when the family settles in for dinner, bath or sleep, we must remember to praise our children. Most children are largely good, yet we tend to focus on their brief misbehaviors. Thus, we tend to scold them much more than we praise them even though their overall behavior is predominantly good. This can be demoralizing for a child who is trying to do well. Even though the child is good most of the time, the child fails to gain recognition of this from parents because the only type of feedback given to them is negative scolding. It's as if the child is recognized only for doing bad things and all the good things that the child has done, have gone unrecognized. Obviously a very frustrating experience for children trying very hard to please their parents.

Periodic, frequent praising is necessary to reward the child for good behavior and a job well done. It feels good when someone believes in you. We must let our children know that we believe in them by praising them for the good things that they do all the time. Our children need motivation toward future goals. It is our responsibility as parents to provide this motivation. Focus on their strengths. Sample statements of praise follow:

You are my favorite son/daughter. If you have more than one son or daughter, so that you can't really say that one of them is your favorite, give them nicknames, such as, you are my favorite short stop, you are my favorite cupcake, you are my favorite quarterback, you are my favorite dolphin, etc.

Thank you very much for being such a good son/daughter/kid.

You are such a good kid. I'm really lucky to have such a good kid like you.

I'm very proud of you. You are such a good student and you do really well in school. You make me very proud.

I'm really glad that you are my child. You are very special and I'm very proud of you.

You are an awesome student/soccer player/kid/etc. I'm very proud to see how good you are.

You really did a good job at cleaning up your room today.

Thank you for helping to clean the house today. You were very helpful.

This is a very good school report card. I hope you will continue to work hard to make us very proud of you in all areas.

This applies to teens as well. Perhaps this is even more important in this age group. Parenting relationships tend to grow more distant as adolescence approaches. Praise from parents provides adolescents with self-esteem and motivation, and it helps to maintain the parent-teen relationship. Teens are often struggling for self-esteem, which is most often provided by friends. Praise from parents provides teens with self-esteem and permits parents to be included among the teen's circle of "friends"; in other words, your relationship with your teen may improve.

Praise your children often. These statements will make your children feel good. It will improve their self-esteem. It will reward them for good work and good behavior. It will encourage them to continue to do good things and they will work even harder. If parents don't motivate their children by praising them, who will? Whoever does this, will gain their allegiance and respect. Parents are given the first chance at this. If parents default, then drug dealers, gangs and criminals will be glad to step in and provide the praise that all children need. Such a mistake could be irreversible. This is one way that children with great potential are commonly lost to the dark side. Don't make this mistake. Praise them often.