Who should read this chapter? All parents.

Summary: Cheaters may win a game. Life is more than just a game. Cheating and lying score negative points in the quest for the Trophy of Life. It seems that cheating and lying are so common today, that our children get the message that it is OK. Cheaters and liars gain an advantage in competition and because of this, cheaters and liars often win, resulting in the illusion that cheaters and liars are winners. Although cheaters and liars may win minor objects such as trophies and championships, they are losers in the Trophy of Life competition. Even a Super Bowl championship is minor compared to the Trophy of Life. Our children should be taught at an early age that cheating and lying are bad. Losing a competition is better than cheating and lying to win. Remember the old saying, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game. Cheating and lying are bad ways to play any game. Cheaters and liars may win a championship, but they are losers in life because this is an automatic disqualification in the quest for the Trophy of Life.

All through life, we encounter people who cheat and lie. Sometimes cheaters win and sometimes they lose. Often, cheaters gain an unfair advantage by cheating and they almost never get caught. Even when we know of someone who cheats, it is usually too embarrassing to punish the cheater or tattle on them. In a competition, cheating gives the cheater an advantage. This advantage may win them the competition's tournament trophy, but when you cheat, you lose.

Lying is so common today that people take it for granted. Watch any TV show and you will see people lying frequently. When children watch TV programs such as these, they learn that lying is OK since it seems to be done so commonly on TV. When I was young, I was taught that honesty is one of the most important traits that a person should have. Lying ruins your reputation for honesty and integrity.

It seems that the importance of honesty has been lost in today's society. Promises made by politicians are often hard to believe. Why is this? It's because, they have lied in the past and now their word cannot be trusted. I once heard a politician referring to another politician as Mr. Honest. This politician was called Mr. Honest because he was always honest and conducted business according to the law. It is a real shame that those who run our government must single out the one person who is Mr. Honest. It is a shame that all those in government are not in the Honest family. This implies that most politicians are not honest and straight forward. What a shame!

The news media reported a rumor that a college football coach was offered a head coach position for a professional football team. When the news media interviewed this coach, he stated that this rumor was absolutely false. The next day, this coach accepted the head coaching position for this professional football team. In other words, the coach knew that the rumor was true, but he told the news media that the rumor was false. He lied.

A politician was asked a question about his past that could ruin his reputation and end his career. In answer to the question, he stated that he couldn't remember. When you answer, "I don't know" or "I forgot", when in fact you do know and you remember, you are lying. If you prefer not to answer, it would be OK to say, "No comment" or "I do not want to answer that". This answer would not be lying, but it would make others suspicious of what the truth is. If you have a dark past, you should be honest about it. Perhaps, this disclosure would ruin your career, but lying would dig you into a deeper hole.

Why should we tell the truth when it can hurt us? Because, it is the right thing to do. Right versus wrong. Good versus bad. Is lying right or wrong? Is lying good or bad? If you give the wrong answer here, then you have stepped into the dark side, where honesty and trustworthiness do not exist. Yes, the truth may hurt. Would you rather dig deeper into the hole toward the dark side, or would you rather come out of the hole to see the light.

Children should be taught about honesty at a very early age. Cheaters and liars may win the tournament trophy, but they lose in the Trophy of Life. The Trophy of Life is far more important than any tournament trophy.

Life is filled with competitions. We must compete to get into college, to get a job, to get into specialty schools (medical, law, dental, nursing, business, engineering, etc.), etc. We compete in sports from little league and youth soccer to high school sports, college sports, and professional sports. We play recreational games, card games, board games, computer games, etc. We compete for friends and some of us had to compete for a spouse. How we compete is more important than whether we win or lose in the competition.

My daughter was playing on a championship softball team, the Dolphins. We entered a tournament and made it into the finals championship game. The winner of this game would be the league champion. The softball league has a rule stating that all players present must play at least half the game. We have 12 players on our team and only 9 play at a time. Our opponents in the championship game were the Sharks. The Sharks had 12 players too, but on the day of the championship game, only 9 of their players showed up. What a coincidence that only their 9 best players showed up, while three of their weaker players were notably absent. It was obvious to us that the Sharks were at an advantage because they could play their 9 best players for the entire game. The Sharks were cheating. The coach of our team called the girls together for a team meeting.

The Dolphins were told what the Sharks were doing. The coach asked the team, do we want to play all our players and field a weaker team or do we want to field only our strongest players. The girls could not decide. One of them finally told the coach, can we discuss this in the bathroom? They all went to the bathroom for a "girls only" discussion.

After their discussion, my daughter approached me and I asked her what they decided. She told me they couldn't decide. Then she asked me what I thought. I told her that the rules are clear. All the players must play at least half the game. Therefore, the decision is obvious. The Dolphins should field their entire team. My daughter questioned this decision because she told me that the other team was cheating to field a stronger team. I told her that all through life, you will encounter people who cheat. Cheaters often win because they have an unfair advantage. But when a person cheats, they automatically lose, because cheating is bad. When we encounter cheaters in life, we should do our best to compete, but it is wrong for us to cheat in an attempt to even the score. Cheating is wrong. Perhaps the Sharks will win today because they have an advantage. Perhaps the Sharks will win the championship softball trophy. But they have lost the Trophy of Life. By playing fairly, following the rules, and doing what is right, the Dolphins will win the Trophy of Life. Which trophy is more important; the softball trophy or the Trophy of Life? It should be obvious that the Trophy of Life is much more important than any ordinary trophy.

In addition, softball is a team sport. This means that ALL members of the team must contribute to the team's effort. How would you like it if you were one of the players who was told to leave the field so that the nine strongest Dolphins could play the entire game? How would you feel if the Dolphins won the championship? Your contribution to the Dolphin's championship was to leave the ball park so the other Dolphins could play. My daughter now understood that ALL the Dolphins must play, even if the Sharks chose to bring only 9 of their 12 players to the park.

What did the Dolphins decide to do? To my surprise, the coach sent three girls home so that the 9 best Dolphins would play against the 9 Sharks. I couldn't believe this. I really felt sorry for the three girls who were sent home. My daughter was included in the 9 Dolphins who would play.

The game started and by the fifth inning, the Dolphins were leading the Sharks 15 to 3. At this point, the coach of the Sharks lodged a protest to the umpire that the Dolphins were cheating because we did not play all our players. The Sharks' coach noted that 12 Dolphins showed up earlier, but only 9 of them were present at the start of the game. The Sharks accused the Dolphins of cheating because we sent three of our weaker players home.

Our coach was furious. How could the Sharks accuse us of cheating when they were doing exactly the same thing? The umpire ruled in favor of the Sharks. There was a temporary break in the game while the umpire requested that we bring out our other three players. Our coach called a meeting with the team parents. The coach explained the situation and indicated that he was mad enough to take the team and walk off the field. He asked us (parents) what we thought. Since no one was listening to my opinion all day, I decided to make sure that I was heard this time. My opinion was that we should call the other three girls back and continue to play the game. We should definitely NOT walk off the field. We got into this mess only because we decided to cheat. It doesn't matter that the Sharks cheated as well. When we cheat, we teach our children to cheat. We should play fairly, go out and compete and if we win or lose the softball trophy, we still win the Trophy of Life. My daughter is here to compete for the Trophy of Life. The softball trophy is less important.

Most of the other parents did not understand what I meant by the Trophy of Life, but I noticed that my daughter was smiling which told me that she understood my message. My job as a parent is to teach my children. My daughter learned today's lesson well. My job was done. Teaching other parents is not necessarily my job so I sat down and let the other parents decide what to do.

Our coach indicated to the umpire that the other three Dolphins were sent home because they were sick (another lie). This satisfied the umpire and the game resumed. When the game was over, the Dolphins won 18 to 5. We probably would have won even if ALL our players played. That day, the Dolphins won the softball trophy, but we lost the Trophy of Life. We should be ashamed of ourselves when we cheat to win. We should be ashamed of ourselves when we tell other kids that they aren't good enough to be part of the team.

The nine Dolphins who won the game were very happy. The Dolphin team parents were happy. The coach was happy. I told my daughter that I didn't care that we won the softball trophy. But I was really disappointed that we lost the Trophy of Life, a much more important trophy that no one seemed to recognize. I asked my daughter what happened to the other three girls who were sent home. She told me that they didn't care because they wanted the team to win.

What REALLY happened to the other three girls? Two of them quit the team in disgust and one girl refused to accept the gold medals that each team member had won because she didn't feel like she deserved it. My daughter now learned how much it hurt them to be excluded from the team in the championship game. She now understood that it would have been better if we had lost the championship game playing the entire team, than winning this way. Even if we had lost, we would have lost as a TEAM. The softball team when competing for the softball trophy is like your FAMILY when competing for the Trophy of Life. We don't exclude family members in family affairs. We include everyone.

Teach your children to win the Trophy of Life by not cheating and not lying. It's OK to win other trophies as well, but these aren't as important.