Who should read this chapter? Parents who encourage their children to participate in youth sports.
Summary: Use childhood sports to develop the physical skills of your children. Use the opportunity of organized team sports to form special relationships with your children. Volunteer to be the coach or at least an assistant coach or team parent. It is easier than you think. Perhaps you were never a coach before. Believe me, you can do it. Your children already know that you work hard and you provide a good home for them. Show them that you can do more by being their coach. Coaching permits you a special way to spend more time with your children.
Making your child into a star athlete is NOT the point of this chapter but bear with me for a brief introduction.
Soccer, basketball, tennis, golf, baseball, softball, volleyball, water sports, skating, hockey, martial arts, dance, football and gymnastics are some of the sports that young children participate in. One of the easiest sports to start out with is soccer because the rules are very simple and nearly all kids should be able to run around and kick a ball. All the other sports require some type of skill that must be practiced to even start a game. Basketball requires dribbling and shooting. Tennis requires strokes to hit the ball and serve. Golf requires the use of clubs. Baseball requires throwing, catching (with a mitt) and batting. Volleyball requires bumping and serving. Martial arts and gymnastics require training to develop basic moves. Football requires ball handling, blocking and tackling skills.
Since basic soccer is fairly simple, it is very likely that soccer will be the first organized team sport that your children will participate in. If you want your child to do well in his/her first team sport, you should introduce them to the skill of kicking a ball with both feet early on. In most communities, children can join youth soccer leagues at age 4 years. At age 3 years, begin the process of training by teaching them to kick and dribble. A kicking drill merely consists of them kicking a soccer ball. When they become 4 years old, quantify the drill by instructing them to kick 50 times with their right foot and then 50 times with their left foot. They should then learn to kick with the inside of their foot instead of with the toe of their shoes. Next they should take the ball and control it between their feet to move the ball from one end of the yard to the other. This is called dribbling. With these basic skills acquired before most of the other kids, your children should become the dominant players on the team at the entry age level.
Perhaps you grew up playing soccer, volleyball, baseball, football, basketball, etc. Then you know how the game is played. You remember how you developed in the sport. You remember how you were coached. YOU should be the coach for your child's team. Volunteer since you are ready now.
Perhaps you did not grow up in a sport or you'd like to start your child in youth soccer at an early age, but you're not too familiar with soccer. You are ready to be an assistant coach or at least the team parent. The coach will put the kids through some basic drills. As an assistant coach, you can help with these drills. If the coach is late for practice, you can start their warm up routines and put them through some drills that the coach has practiced with them in the past. If you decide that you'd rather watch from the sidelines (the parent gallery), you will not be exposed to the drills and the interactions with the kids. It is better to be an assistant coach than to merely observe from the parent gallery. The assistant coach gets some exercise (we could all use some) and you usually get a really cool coach's T-shirt. The kids call you "coach" and that should make you feel good. Your child also calls you coach in addition to dad/mom. You learn the sport better and you should begin to feel comfortable enough to be the head coach next time. If, by luck, you happen to volunteer to be an assistant coach under an outstanding head coach, you will be privileged to learn some outstanding coaching methods. Most leagues provide coaching clinics for the head coaches and assistant coaches.
When coaching kids, you will get a better idea of the diversity of child behavior. Unless you are in a profession that already exposes you to a lot of children (e.g., teacher, pediatrician, pediatric nurse, child counselor, recreation counselor, etc.), you may not appreciate the diversity of how kids behave and interact. The coaching experience will give you this experience. It will give you a better appreciation of the diversity of children by which to compare your children which will make you understand children better and become a better parent.
Some kids feel that they don't want their parent to be their coach. In addition to getting yelled at and scolded at home, these kids get the same kind of treatment on the playing field from their parent/coach. You need to discuss this with your child to determine if your child wants you to be their coach. If they respond negatively, it is usually because of the issue about being yelled at on the playing field. Refer to the earlier chapter on "Yelling at Kids". If kids understand that yelling on the playing field is somewhat different than yelling at home, they tend to accept this yelling better. It would be unreasonable to tell your team that you will not yell. Part of good coaching is to provide players with instant feedback on their playing performance so that it can be improved the next time. Strategic and selective yelling should be your goal. Yelling too much dilutes its effect and kids tend not to pay attention to it after a while.
On all of the youth teams that I have coached, early in the season, I explain to the kids on the team that the coaches will be yelling. The coaches must yell because the field is large or the gym is noisy. If the coaches speak in a normal voice, you won't be able to hear us. When the coaches yell, it's not because we're mad or angry at anyone. Coaches yell so that you can hear us. Periodically during the season, I will ask the team if they think the coaches are yelling too much. I'll then explain that another reason that coaches yell, is to get your attention, because sometimes you don't listen unless we yell. Coaches should never get mad or angry, but the team kids should expect yelling from the coaches to get their attention. They seem to accept it much better this way.
Should a coach act like a parent or a coach? Coaches are generally not nearly as strict as parents. Will your child begin to act up when they realize that when their parent is a coach, the level of discipline is more relaxed? Children may get confused about discipline since there may be different levels of discipline at home and on the playing field. There's no need for confusion. I believe it is best to treat your child as a parent and the rest of the kids as a coach. Thus, your child will be subjected to a stricter standard than the rest of the kids. When the other kids see your child treated with strict discipline, they will be convinced that the coach should be taken seriously. Your child will understand that his/her coach is still their parent and all the same rules at home still apply at practices and games. Discipline measures used at home must be compatible with those used at sports events. This is another good reason why physical exercise (push-ups, laps, lines, etc.) is a good means of disciplinary punishment. Spanking is not a good idea at an athletic event, but physical exercise is commonly used.
My youth baseball team is a good example. During our first week of practice, one of the assistant coaches would tell the kids that they might have to take a few laps if they didn't follow instructions. I don't think that got their attention. But, when my son did not listen to my instructions, I immediately told him to do 20 push ups. Since he is well disciplined, he dropped to the ground and did the 20 push ups right away. I noticed from the look on everyone's face that this really got their attention. An idle threat of running laps is not as effective as a demonstration of swift disciplinary physical exercise. Even the assistant coach noticed their attention and from that point on, 10 push ups became the standard way to discipline our team members. All the other kids promptly did their push ups when they were told to do so because they followed the example of my son.
It is a good idea to discuss the role of coach and parent with your child. After such a discussion, hopefully, you may find that your children want you to be their coach. If not, don't force the issue. Let them have a coach who is a stranger. The next time around, they may ask you to be their coach if you offer it to them again or they may want you to be the "helper coach" on their current team. If you have two or more children who are playing in league sports at the same time, it would be impossible to coach several different teams. If one of your children prefers that you NOT be the coach, this gives you the opportunity to coach your other kids who want you as the coach. It is inevitable that ALL your children will want you to be their coach during the next season since no one wants to be left out. Explain your time limitation to them. As you go from season to season, rotate your coaching duties between your children. Dad's have traditionally been athletic coaches, but Mom's can coach also. If Mom coaches, both parents can provide more coaching time to their kids. "Goodie! Dad/Mom is going to be MY coach this season!"
Other kids look up to you as the coach. While most Dad's and Mom's are known as Brian's Dad, Kevin's Mom or Arlene's Dad, the team coaches are known as "Coach Lloyd", "Coach Mark" and "Coach Debby". To this day, I remember all my sports coaches during my childhood. Your children will appreciate that you are a special parent. Not only are you a good parent, but you are also their coach. They know that while all parents are parents, only a select few are coaches. You should be one of the select few.
Volunteer to be a coach. It is easier than you think.