Who should read this chapter? Parents with children in school or who will soon enter school.

Summary: During the early education years from Kindergarten through high school, families must decide on where to attend school. In most instances, private schools are educationally superior to public schools. What is best for your children depends on many factors. Don't automatically conclude that private schools are better. The "cost" of a private school education is more than just tuition. A private school education may also be associated with a longer commute and less parent-child time spent together. Carefully weigh these factors against the additional educational benefit of the private school that best meets your child's needs. This decision is a personal family decision. Considering all the factors ahead of time will result in greater satisfaction with the family decision.

In different parts of the country and in families with different values, the distinction between private and public schools means different things to different people. For some families, the major reason to go to a private school is for religious reasons. In some areas, private schools are used because the quality of the public school system is poor. In my home city, the major differences are different things to different people, but include differences in quality of educational programs, availability of advanced resources, image/reputation of the school, college preparation potential, academic quality of the general student body, association with influential alumni, etc. In most instances, private schools are educationally superior to public schools. The size of this superiority may be large, medium, small, insignificant or negative, depending on the particulars of the schools. Rather than discuss the superiority of private schools, this chapter focuses on some of the subtle benefits of a public school education and hidden factors that should be carefully considered when deciding on a private or public school for your children. Private schools often provide "networking" advantages such that graduates of the same school tend to support each other later in life in politics, job relationships, promotions, hiring, social affiliations, etc. This "networking" advantage results from something common that graduates of the same school share even if they never knew each other while attending school. This "networking" relationship occurs in public schools as well, but the number of advantageous affiliations are more common among graduates of private schools for obvious reasons. This "networking" advantage is substantial and should not be underestimated.

A pediatrician friend once told me that the most important gift to give their child is a good education. Therefore, the expense of a private school education is one well spent.

My opinion is slightly different. To me, the most important gift to a child is the gift of good parents. Education is important too, but quality time spent with parents for guidance is similarly important. Take the following extreme example: 1) Children go to a private school, but parents don't spend much time with them. 2) Children go to a public school and parents spend lots of time with them. The better choice depends on a lot of specifics. How much better is the private school over the public school? How much time do the parents spend with the children in each scenario?

I know of many families in which both parents each work two jobs so that they can send their children to private schools. Imagine how much time they spend with their children while they are growing up. Such children receive very little guidance from their parents during the important younger years. Dinners with the entire family present to facilitate family communication (as discussed in an earlier chapter) are very infrequent. It is common for such children to get their guidance from peer groups such neighborhood gangs instead of their parents whom they hardly see.

If parents are wealthy, then a private school education is not a financial stress to them. For most of us who are not wealthy, private school tuitions for several children impose a substantial financial stress that forces parents to sacrifice their time to pay for this education. This is no ordinary sacrifice, since it is time spent with your child that is being sacrificed. In one sense, this is just another example of paying someone else to raise our children. As I discussed in an earlier chapter, who do you want raising your children and providing them with guidance; you or someone else? Assuming that your children will receive proper guidance, just because you are working hard to send your child to a private school, is a fallacy. The private school is likely to provide a quality education to your children, but don't expect the school to provide them with the same type of guidance that parents should be providing. Don't expect the school to raise your child for you. If you fail to provide lots of guidance time with your children, they will get their guidance from someone else. It cannot be guaranteed that the source of this guidance will be teachers. Rather expect them to get their guidance from peers. This could include classmates, neighborhood kids, club members, sports teammates, teen gangs, neighborhood drug dealers, etc.

My point is this. Unless you are there with your children, you have no control over who their source of guidance will be, because in your absence, others (possibly gang members and drug dealers) will make themselves available to spend time with and influence your children. If you spend more time with them, they will not have enough time to spend with others who may adversely influence them. You must make yourself available to provide parental guidance to counter any bad influence that they may be getting from others.

Unless you are wealthy, working harder to afford a private school tuition sacrifices parenting time. You must ask yourself to decide on which is more important; spending more parent/child time versus upgrading to a private school education.

Deciding on whether to upgrade to a private school education is a personal family decision that each family must make on their own. The issue is not as simple as superior education versus inferior education. The superiority of a private school education is highly variable depending upon the typical quality of private schools and public schools in your area, your child's educational compatibility with these schools, their specific educational strengths and weaknesses, transportation accessibility, etc.

I know of students who commute on busses for one hour in the morning and one hour returning home. They wake up at 5:00 am and return home at 4:00 pm. This time required to commute, cuts into time that could be used for extracurricular activities. Some parents choose to drive their children to school. This substantially cuts into their work time and limits their work schedule flexibility. Despite this inconvenience, there is a benefit to this. Driving with your child in traffic during this commute gives parents time to discuss the school day with their children. This time should be used similarly as during the family dinner table discussions. During these commutes, put yourself in a pleasant mood, even if you had a bad day at work. Turn the radio off or turn its volume down to facilitate a conversation. If you must drive in traffic, you might as well use this time to improve communication with your children.

The public schools are not all that bad. Again, it depends on the specifics of your case. If the public school in you area is a good one, then use this to your advantage. Work less and spend more time with your children. Volunteer your time at school in parent-teacher organization (PTO) activities, school service projects and in the classroom as a class parent and helper. By being a special parent who helps the school a lot, the school will really appreciate this and many children will benefit from special reading and math attention given by a parent volunteer. An unavoidable side effect is that your children will be treated with special attention because of your special devotion to the school. Additionally, you will get to know the school well and you will get to know who the best teachers are. If requests for certain teachers are possible in your school, you will know which teacher to request.

All schools have some great teachers and some not-so-great teachers. By spending a lot of time at school, you will get to know these teachers. You will know who would be the best teacher for your child. You can make special requests to arrange for your child to be in this teacher's class next year. Of, course you could do this at a private school as well, but will you have this time if you are busy working hard to pay for their tuition?

Another method of improving the quality of education in your child's school is to make a special donation to the classroom. Imagine writing a letter to your child's teacher informing them that you would like to help out the classroom by donating $500 to the class. If you're at a private school, then this additional amount of money is peanuts compared to their tuition. If you're at a public school, then you're saving so much money on tuition that you may be able to afford this. How often do teachers get offered such donations to their classroom? This is so unexpected, it will shock most teachers. Perhaps $500 is too much. Then try for $100 or $300. Do you think that such donations are remembered by most teachers? Definitely yes. The primary purpose of this contribution is to help your child's classroom to purchase supplies which can improve the quality of education in the classroom. An unavoidable side effect of this donation is that it will probably lead to some special attention for your child. Teachers can work extra hard or they can be mediocre. When special parents show exceptional interest in the classroom with special unexpected donations of money and/or time, this is likely to motivate the teacher to provide an extra special teaching experience for the entire class.

I think that the best way to give a monetary donation to the classroom is to offer to buy something for the classroom. The class may need something like textbooks, an encyclopedia, a copy machine, etc. Don't give cash to the teacher, because you may not be able to see directly how it helped the class. Don't give the monetary donation to the school or its administrators since you don't know how they will use the money. You wouldn't want your "classroom" donation to buy an air conditioner for the principal, would you? So you will feel good about the donation you make, specifically ask the teacher what you could purchase for the classroom. This way, you have the ability to "approve" or "veto" the request depending on how you feel about it.

Imagine how good the schools (public and private) would be if more people gave such donations to the school. As parents, we commonly grumble about how the politicians do not give enough money to the schools. Here is our chance to partially remedy this. When we donate money to the school, this gives us a tax deduction. Thus, less taxes go to politicians and more money goes to the school. Of course you don't get all of the donation back as a tax deduction, but you get some of it back. You shouldn't do this to get a tax deduction. You should do this to help your children's school. It should make you feel good that your donation is going to help your child's classroom. When you donate $300 to a politician, they hardly notice. When you donate $300 to your child's classroom, you are suddenly noticed. Will this help your child to get some special attention? This is unavoidable.

It is better to keep your children humble so don't tell them about your donation to the class. It is not a good a idea to make your children believe that they are better than the other kids just because of the donation. Inform the teacher that you don't want your child to find out about your donation. The teacher should inform the class that "someone" made a donation to the class, but no names should be given. Your children should be just like the rest of the other kids in the class in that they should not know who made the donation.

What kinds of things do most teachers ask for? I've been letting the teachers know that I would like to purchase some things for the class not to exceed $500. They have never asked us for anything near the $500 limit. One teacher went to an educational supplies store and purchased some games and supplies for the classroom totaling about $200. One teacher asked for a VCR costing about $160. One teacher asked for a carpet sweeper and some supplies. One teacher wanted photocopies (each teacher has a quota limit for copying services for the year). I even asked if the class needed replacement textbooks or an encyclopedia, but these were never requested. Several teachers have requested absolutely nothing. This suggests to me that perhaps the classroom is supplied with enough. Perhaps they only lack big things (over $500) such as computers, camcorders, busses, buildings, etc.

Perhaps this seems unethical to you. Perhaps it seems like you are buying favoritism. Remember that the primary purpose of a donation is to help the classroom. An unavoidable side effect is that you and your child will be remembered for this generosity. If you feel guilty about "bribing" the teacher, then insist to the teacher that you are not trying to buy favoritism. Some teachers are good and some teachers are not so good. Most teachers can choose whether to do the bare minimum to collect their paycheck or work hard to provide educational experiences that are extra special to the children. When we go to a restaurant, tips are REQUIRED. This practice is rather rude if you ask me. A tip should be expected when extra special service is delivered; however, restaurant tips nowadays are required even if mediocre or poor service is delivered. Hotels charge high rates, creative taxes, outrageous fees for little items, while still expecting tips. We tip taxi drivers, delivery persons, valets and car washers. Why don't we tip teachers? Perhaps it is good that we don't tip them routinely. This makes it extra special for them when we do "tip" their classroom with an unexpected classroom donation.

Teachers are often shy and like most professionals, are reluctant to accept money out of the norm. I know for a fact that teachers often spend their own money for many school projects. They will often take pictures with their own camera, paying for the film and developing it on their own. They often use these photos for things like Valentine cards, Christmas cards, posters, Mother's day gifts, etc. They often give money to kids who forget their lunch money or who can't afford to pay $3 for a school field trip. They often purchase art supplies such as glitter and glue when the usual school quota has run out. Teachers should not have to purchase these on their own. They will greatly appreciate it when we help them out unexpectedly.

Thus far, the public school system has treated my children very well. Most of my physician associates send their children to private schools. Since my children attend public schools, I have no financial pressure which allows me to work less and spend more time with my children. The quality of education that my children have received has been outstanding. Several years ago, my oldest daughter's teacher decide to accelerate her math level. When she was in the first grade, her teacher took the initiative to have her work on a second grade math book. She did well and since then, she has been a year ahead in math. She goes to a different classroom for math. This requires special arrangements since the children usually do not change classes for different subjects. The school has accommodated this.

I wouldn't say that the school has given my children special treatment, but the school has treated them very well. I really doubt if a private school could have done much better. There is less stress on our day to day life since the neighborhood school is a three minute ride down the street instead of a long stressful commute. My children attend school with the neighborhood kids. Their friends are from the neighborhood. The kids that are on their soccer, baseball and volleyball teams are also from the neighborhood and from the schools in the area. It is a personal preference of course, but I feel that there is a benefit to let my children grow up with the wide spectrum of neighborhood kids of a public school rather than with an elite group of selected kids in a private school. It teaches them at an early age about the diversity of people. I believe that it makes them more appreciative of how fortunate they are since they are exposed to the misfortune of other kids more so in a public school.

During the summers, my children have often gone to private school summer programs since the summer school programs at the public schools in our area have often been limited. I asked my children if they have noticed any difference between their regular public school and their summer private schools. They have consistently told me that: 1) The bathrooms are cleaner at the private schools. 2) The lunches are more expensive at the private schools, but they are about the same in quality. 3) The classrooms are slightly nicer at the private schools. 4) In the private schools, there are fewer kids who don't do their homework. My children have never told me that the education quality or the teachers are better at the private schools. During the summers, my wife and I take turns driving them to and from school depending on our work schedules. We find the summers noticeably more stressful because of the additional driving that we must do. This additional stress on a family commuting to a distant school is often not considered when deciding on which school to attend. I can recall one particular summer during which my three children were located at three different summer school programs. Coordinating their drop-offs and pick-ups was particularly stressful that summer. I vowed never to do that again.

The public schools cannot be everything to everyone. Examine the resources of the public and private schools in your area. As a generalization which is not true in all instances, private schools tend to have better computer resources, better music and art programs, better early foreign language instruction, and more advanced placement programs. The students at private schools tend to be smarter than those at public schools. This is no surprise since students must generally "qualify" to attend a private school usually based on intelligence and academic potential. Many parents feel that students will do better when they are surrounded by other excellent students. Going to school with other high achieving highly intelligent students will challenge their children to work harder and achieve more. Excellence breeds excellence. These students are likely to be successful community leaders in the future. Knowing them in high school may result in political, business and social contacts providing them with networking advantages in the future.

Excellence can also be found in the public schools. Remember that all children are different and I personally am a good example of a student with different needs. I attended public schools for nearly my entire education. When I was in elementary school, I did fairly well, but I was not outstanding. When I attended the 7th and 8th grades (intermediate school), I realized that if I worked a little harder, I could get A's in nearly all the subjects which earned me special recognition on a Dean's list. This gave me a further stimulus to work harder and continue to get good grades. This continued into high school where I graduated third in my class. I went on to college and medical school and my other achievements. In other words, I did OK, despite being at a public school. If I had gone to a private school, surrounded by all those other really smart students, I would not have been able to stand out. This may have given me less incentive to work hard since it would be substantially more difficult to stand out in a private school. If I had attended a private school, I may have been mediocre and I may not have been as enthusiastic about college and beyond. It would have been harder for me to excel in a private school since I would have been competing against many more high-achieving students.

What is best for your child? Should you put them in an environment surrounded by lots of highly intelligent high-achieving students to encourage high-achievement in your child or should you put them in an environment that makes it easier for your child to stand out and excel? Determine the needs for your child and weigh the many benefits, costs and sacrifices to make the best decision for your family.

One last point, a private school tuition of $5,000 per year over a 13-year period (Kindergarten through high school) adds up to $65,000. However, assuming you could invest this money over time at a modest 8% rate of return, the value of saving $5,000 per year for 13 years would be $107,476 available at the time of college entry. If you have two children or a single tuition of $10,000 per year, this savings would be $214,952.

If you take the $214,952 and invest this at 8% per year, in 40 years (at age 58 when your child might be retiring), this available sum will be $4.6 million. Is it better to save and invest, or is it better to invest in a private school tuition? This is an important family decision requiring serious consideration of all factors.