Who should read this chapter? All parents.
Summary: First consider your influence on your child. As a parent, if you smoke, drink alcohol or abuse drugs, expect that your children will do this also. As a parent you must practice what you preach. First of all, don't exhibit any practices that you don't want your children doing. Set a good example. Second, you must teach, preach and challenge your children to avoid these undesired habits from an early age when they are most impressionable. Teach, preach and challenge them early and often. Early teaching reinforced frequently throughout their youth years will make it more difficult for negative forces in later life to overcome.
Set a good example for your children. Do you want your children to smoke, drink alcohol or use illegal drugs? If you do, there is a very easy way to foster this. If you as a parent do any of these things, then it is very likely that your children will adopt these habits as they get older. When children are young, parents are their dominant role models. We are their MENTORs. If they see their parents smoking cigarettes, it becomes ingrained into them that smoking is something good to do. Even if school programs preach that smoking is bad, children will not be convinced because they come to know their parents as good, and thus everything that their parents do is good. It becomes a matter of choosing to believe a stranger at school or their parents. Children generally side with their parents at this age. They will continue to believe that smoking is good; or at least it can't be as bad as what they're saying in school.
As they get older and they are exposed to a wide variety of role models (good and bad). The role models they choose to follow will be substantially influenced by their experiences and values learned during childhood. If their parent smokes, they are likely to seek role models who smoke. They might actually avoid role models who do not smoke, viewing such individuals as different or uncool.
Everyone knows that smoking is bad for your own health. Many parents who smoke have told me, "It doesn't affect the children since I only smoke outside." This is not good enough for several reasons. Cigarette smoke is very noxious. When someone smokes, the odor and residue remain on their clothes, skin and hair. After smoking outside the house, the smoker brings this cigarette smoke residue into the house. Smokers don't notice this, but nonsmokers do. This residue is very noticeable and noxious to others which can't be good for the lungs. Smoking outside the house minimizes lung damage to others in the house, but smokers need to wash their hair, take a shower and change their clothes before entering the house in order to best avoid exposure to cigarette smoke residue by household members. In addition to the negative health effects of household smoking to all members of the household, parental smoking sets a poor role model example, giving children the message that smoking is good.
Have you ever come home drunk? If you have, expect your child to come home this way one night. You can scold them and get angry, but you taught them that this was OK when you did it.
Nearly all of us would agree that smoking and illegal drugs are bad. But alcohol is a "drug" of great controversy because it is legal and not quite as harmful as smoking. We would all agree that becoming an "alcoholic" is bad. But what about social drinking in moderation such as a beer at the ball game or a glass of wine with a fine meal? Indeed there is some evidence suggesting a health benefit (lower heart disease risk) from such modest alcohol consumption. Despite this one positive, alcohol is toxic to several body systems; most notably, the brain and liver. It turns out that the human body has much more liver than we really need. Lifelong moderate alcohol consumption is not likely to result in moderate liver disease. However, extreme alcohol consumption will probably result in liver failure in later adulthood.
The brain is not like the liver. We have lots of brain, but most of us would agree that poisoning tiny parts of the brain is not a good idea. The more brain we have, the better. I personally would prefer keeping as much brain as I can. Alcohol is toxic to the brain so the social and culinary benefits of alcohol must be weighed against this. Most people who drink alcohol socially don't believe that it is harmful and they don't mind if their children grow up with the same pattern of social drinking.
Alcohol can often result in episodic disasters. Being a physician, I have seen many a tragedy due to alcohol. Motor vehicle accidents caused by alcohol are tragic and preventable. Oops, I used the wrong terminology. A motor vehicle "accident" implies that this was accidental and not preventable. The truth is that most of these ARE preventable. Thus they should be called motor vehicle "crashes" rather than motor vehicle accidents.
I have seen arms amputated, venereal disease and HIV infections acquired, brains injured, liver failure, broken bones and more due to alcohol. You need to understand the potential for medical disaster with alcohol to appreciate these tragedies. Consider these factors when choosing to drink alcohol.
If you use illegal drugs at home, expect that your children will do this also. If you take legal drugs to solve some of life's problems such as tranquilizers, stimulants and antidepressants, expect that your children will do the same. Perhaps you do these things in secret so your children don't know about it. You may not believe this, but your children know almost everything about you. When parents are not at home, it is perfectly normal for children to go exploring the home. They open every file cabinet, drawer, desk, box, etc. They have looked at all your video tapes and all your magazines. They have looked between your mattresses and have searched every inch of your room looking for interesting things. If you have anything locked, they have found the key to find out what's in the locked box. If you have drugs, they have found them. If you have used drugs in secret, odds are, they know about it. Many children have placed microphones, tape recorders and even video equipment in their parents' room to find out what's going on in there. This curiosity is normal and part of human nature. How much of this did you do as a child? If you think that you can hide something or keep a secret from your children, odds are, you have underestimated their investigative potential. They know a lot more than you think. If you have any bad habits that you think you are hiding, your children probably know about these and you are serving as their role model. Live life cleanly, or risk bringing your children down the slippery slope to the dark side with you.
First you must set a good example. Now, you must teach, preach and challenge your children to avoid these undesired habits from an early age when they are most impressionable. Early teaching reinforced frequently throughout their youth years will make it more difficult for negative forces in later life to overcome.
Parents must tell their children that smoking and drugs are bad. If you choose to tell them that alcohol is bad, this is a parent's decision, but you should temper this by explaining that some people have made the choice to drink alcohol socially in moderation and this is OK for some people.
Tell them that smoking is bad for their health. Cigarette smoke stinks for a good reason. Our bodies are trying to tell us, "Don't inhale this stuff; it's bad." You wouldn't suck on a car's tailpipe or a smoke stack would you? Why would you want to suck on a smoking stick?
Explain to them the difference between illegal drugs and medications. The basic difference is this; Medications help your body, while illegal drugs damage your brain. The brain is important because it allows you to think and to move about. Illegal drugs are also addicting. This is a word they need to understand. Addiction means that once you use a drug, your body must continue to have it, or the body will experience extreme pain or possibly death.
A drug addict is someone who is addicted to drugs. What is it like to be an addict? If you (your child) had $1000, what would you do with it? Let your child think of some ways to spend this. A drug addict would not buy those things. A drug addict would buy more drugs. They will spend all their money on drugs. Drugs have damaged their brains (they are now addicted) so the only thing that is important to a drug addict is to get more drugs. Drug addicts will use all their money to buy drugs and then eat scrap food from a garbage can because they would rather buy drugs than buy food. When drug addicts run out of money, they usually will steal something, sell it and use the money to buy more drugs. Drugs damage your brain and you may become addicted. Why do some people use drugs even though everyone knows that drugs are bad? Why do some people steal just to get money to buy drugs? Because they are addicted!!
Drugs are too dangerous to try even once because you might become addicted. Why do some kids try drugs? Some kids are curious. Remember that it is part of our human nature to be curious about things that we have not experienced. For example, wouldn't it be wonderful to fly like a bird. Aren't you curious about this too? To experience flying in the air, I will go to the top of a very tall building and jump off. I will be flying (actually falling) through the air and feel what it is like to fly like a bird (it must be wonderful) until I hit the ground. Then I will be in severe pain and probably die. While it is normal to be curious about what it would feel like to fly, some things are too dangerous to try. Jumping off a building is too dangerous to try and so are drugs. If you try drugs and you become addicted, you will become a drug addict and your life will be ruined. Drugs are too dangerous to try so don't try them. It is possible to be addicted after trying drugs only once so don't try drugs; not even once.
People who sell drugs are called drug dealers or drug "pushers". Pushers make money by selling drugs. Most pushers are drug addicts and they push drugs so that they can get some drugs for themselves. Pushers try to trick kids into trying drugs to get kids addicted so that the kids will have to buy more drugs from them. Pushers will give kids drugs for free, just to try it. Lots of kids think that trying drugs like this is OK since it doesn't cost anything, but this is a bad idea, because you might get addicted. Once you are addicted, it will cost you the rest of your life, because you will be a drug addict.
So what would you do if a pusher told you to try some drugs for free? You should say NO. What if a pusher gives you $10 to try some drugs? You should say NO. What if a pusher gives you $100 to try some drugs? You should say NO. What if a pusher gives you $1000 to try some drugs? You see, pushers can be very tricky. You have to be smart and strong. You should still say NO.
Pushers will often use other kids to push drugs for them. Your friends might be paid by pushers to get other kids to try drugs. Some kids become drug addicts and they try to get other kids to try drugs too. Your friends might tell you to try drugs. You should say NO. They will tell you that you are chicken if you don't try drugs. You should say NO. They will tell you that trying drugs is good, it's cool, it's great, it's (think of all the kid words for good). You should say NO. They might gang up on you and tell you that everyone else has tried drugs and you're the only one who hasn't. You should say NO because drugs are too dangerous to try. Don't let a drug pusher ruin your life. Anyone who gives or sells drugs to others is a drug pusher. Kids can be drug pushers also. Don't let these kid pushers use peer pressure to trick you into trying drugs. Be smart and say NO to drugs.
Explain peer pressure to your children and teach them to overcome this so they can make the right decision.
Sometimes, addiction is best demonstrated by example. I was walking with my younger daughter one day and we came across a homeless man who was begging for money while smoking a cigarette. I told her that if you were really poor and you had just a little bit of money, would you use it to buy food or cigarettes? She replied, "Well dad, of course I would buy food." Then why do you think that man there still spends his money to buy cigarettes even if he is very poor? She didn't know why. I told her, it's because he is addicted to cigarettes. Do you know what addiction is, because I explained it to you before? Now she understood addiction better. Later that day while my kids were playing indoors, my daughter was telling her older sister and younger brother about the beggar smoking a cigarette. She explained addiction to the other two. Now I was sure that she understood.
Drugs damage the brain. It's that simple. Isn't it obvious. Why do drug users with $1000 spend it all on drugs? Because their brain is damaged. Why do drug users let their children starve while they go out to get drugs? Why do drug users poke contaminated needles into themselves? Children don't like needles so it should be obvious to them that anyone who likes needles must be brain damaged. Why do drug users jump off buildings? Why do drug users drop out of school when everyone knows that school is important? Because their brain is damaged. It should now be obvious to your children that drugs damage your brain. We should all value our brain. Make your brain smarter by staying in school and away from drugs.
Alcohol can be addicting as well. Does it damage the brain? It certainly affects the brain. It changes most people's behavior, it slows one's ability to react, it impairs one's ability to think and it affects one's ability to move about normally. Excessive amounts of alcohol cause more severe impairment. Alcohol can cause trembling hands which were once steady. Does this sound like brain damage? It does to me. Chronic heavy alcohol use results in addiction and definite brain damage similar to illegal drugs.
I consider alcohol to be a harmful drug by the simple definition that it can damage the brain and result in addiction. Alcohol is a special case because it is legal, socially acceptable, its effects are mild when consumed in moderation and its addiction potential is modest compared to the powerful addictive potential of illegal drugs. If parents choose to drink alcohol, you can be certain that your children will grow up to drink as well. Be careful with alcohol because it can be damaging and addicting. If this doesn't happen to you as a parent, are you certain that this will not happen to your children? Are you sure that your children will not get drunk (intoxicated)? Remember that getting drunk results in toxic effects to the brain and bad judgment that may result in catastrophe. Are you sure that if they ever get drunk, it will never happen again, or will it happen again and again? Alcoholics get drunk again and again. As parents, we work hard to make our children smarter, stronger and better. We should not do anything to damage them.
My children are very important to me. I would prefer to stay away from cigarettes, drugs and alcohol to maximize the likelihood that my children will not be damaged by these substances.
Set a good example as a parent. Talk to your children about drugs. Talk with them at a young age (pre-school and kindergarten) and continuously reinforce this as they get older. Don't rely on your school or your doctor to do this. This is everybody's responsibility, but it is MOSTLY a parent's responsibility. Drugs are pushed at ALL schools. This includes expensive and select schools. Don't believe that an expensive tuition will shield your children from drugs. Affluent schools are often targeted by drug pushers since the kids often have more money and may be less street-wise.
Practice what you preach and preach it early and often.