Who should read this chapter? All parents.

Summary: Apologizing is difficult for children. They must learn to apologize. Parents must teach them to apologize. Apologizing is important to avoid conflict and hostility. It is an easy way to end a squabble that has the potential to escalate into a major conflict. It is better to apologize than to fight. Apologizing may bruise our dignity and pride. This is why apologizing is difficult. While our dignity and pride may be bruised when we apologize, this is better than escalating the conflict in which more serious damage may result.

One of the most important ways to avoid conflict, fights, hostility, litigation and violence is to apologize. Do any of us want conflict, fights, hostility, litigation or violence? Of course not. Do we like to apologize? Apologizing is hard for many. Apologizing does not come naturally. Apologizing is not part of human nature. We must teach our children to apologize immediately and properly to best avoid conflict, fights, hostility, litigation or violence. Mistakes will be made. These mistakes may hurt others. Apologizing helps to minimize the threat of retaliation in the form of conflict, fights, hostility, litigation or violence.

When it is someone else's fault, why should we apologize? It is more important to be right than it is to apologize. Wrong !! It is more important to avoid conflict. It is often better to apologize even if you are right and the other party is wrong. The other party may feel that they are right. This may result in a conflict. It is better to apologize and end the squabble while it is still minor. Apologizing now avoids any escalation of the conflict.

Apologizing may bruise our dignity and pride. This is why apologizing is difficult. It's like backing down when you are right. We should fight for what is right. Some fights are important, but most of our everyday conflicts are not important enough to fight about. Apologizing permits us to avoid these fights. While our dignity and pride may be bruised when we apologize, this is better than escalating the conflict in which more serious damage (revenge, retaliation, property damage, human injury, law suit, etc.) may result. Put a bandage on your dignity and pride if it is bruised. Compare this to repairing the damage of a more serious conflict. It's not worth it. It's better to apologize.

Among siblings, friends and other family members, little bumps, accidents and squabbles happen where one child does something annoying or noxious to another. Use these opportunities to teach your children to apologize. If there is a conflict over who is at fault, teach BOTH of them to apologize to avoid escalating the conflict. The apology should have three characteristics: 1) It should be immediate. 2) It should be sincere. 3) It should be humble with a tone of humility.

This practice of apologizing should become routine; practically like a reflex. The more routine apologizing becomes, the easier it is to apologize. After reminding your children to apologize a few times, they should be told that an apology should be instantaneous without needing a reminder. If their apology needs a reminder, they should be told that this is like not apologizing at all, since if you (parent) were not there, an apology would not have occurred.

Use your standard method of discipline to encourage their practice of apologizing immediately without reminder. I like having them do some push-ups if they need a reminder to apologize. Praise them when they apologize on their own without a reminder.